I grew up telling myself a mission wasn’t for me. When the age changed, of course I thought it was cool, but it didn’t change my mind at all. I had some rough patches my senior year of high school, to the point where my testimony was suffering. I came to realize that I wasn’t on track to accomplish my long term goals such as, making it to the temple. My life style wasn’t suited to getting there and Satan had me believing that I was too far gone to ever reestablish the close relationship I once had with my Savior and Heavenly Father. Though I longed for the chance to restart and get a clean slate, I didn’t know how.
I am a planner. In fact, I am a planner to a fault. I live for the future. Many of you probably know, I also never had ANY intentions of ever attending Brigham Young University. I didn’t want to be just another LDS girl who went to BYU after high school. I wanted to go somewhere different and unique. To accommodate with my parent’s wishes, I found myself applying for the Ambassador Scholarship at Utah State University. This was my niche. I had a lot of Student Council history and I was ready to continue that. I put all of my eggs into that basket and after 3 long, stressful cuts, I made top 50 out of 500 applicants. I had it in the bag. Heavenly Father had a different plan for me but when the top 50 got cut in half, and I wasn’t on the list, I didn’t realize it at the time. I was crushed. I had NO clue what I was going to do. I cried for 3 days straight. Sunday rolled around and it was my ward’s turn for ward conference. Still devastated, with so many questions, I sat and listened to our Stake Young Women’s President, Sister Julie Chauncey, talk about the power of “I am”. What you say after that phrase changes your outlook, self-image, attitude, and so much more. Sister Chauncey said one line that I will never forget. “HEAVENLY FATHER DOESN’T MAKE MISTAKES.” She probably doesn’t even remember saying that but I was instantly filled with the spirit and knew that I went through the entire process to become a USU Ambassador just to fail, for a reason. I didn’t know what that reason was but I knew eventually I would understand. MY “I am” was, “I am a BYU Cougar.”
I had the most amazing summer and with the help of my faithful and loving parents, an incredible Church History Tour, a best friend who eventually became my boyfriend, and most importantly my Savior and His atonement, even though my life was in so many puzzle pieces, I felt like it was slowly but surely being put back together. I learned a lot. One thing I would like to point out specifically is that I COULD start again and I WAS given a clean slate and so can anyone. We are never too far gone for Jesus Christ’s reach. Summer came and gone and I found myself at BYU. My boyfriend left for his mission in October and of course I had a plan. I would stay here while he was gone to get some schooling knocked out and hopefully be admitted into an Ultrasound/Sonography Program before he got back so that when he got home, we could get married and I would be ahead in school, have a stable job, and provide for us while he did his undergrad. Heavenly Father thought that was a funny joke. The thoughts of serving a mission bugged me like crazy my first semester at BYU. I prayed and prayed for an answer of whether or not I should serve but could not seem to make up my mind. I saw my bishop about my thoughts many times and always walked out, SURE, I wasn’t going and that I was just going to focus on school. One fast Sunday, I decided to fast for a confirmation that what I had decided was right for me. Monday rolled around and the signs and promptings to GO, came like CRAZY! One scripture that opened my eyes is found in 3 Nephi. To summarize its’ message, it is warning against not listening to the spirit. If we are too stiff-necked to heed the promptings of the spirit, we will be left to figure things out on our own. The moment I read that and understood what it meant for me, I realized that the never ending thoughts about serving a mission were promptings from the Holy Ghost and that The Lord needed my help. I was trying so hard to convince myself I didn’t need to go and constantly fighting the urge I had to do so. I couldn’t deny my feelings so I decided to start my papers but kept it on the down low, just in case I realized in the process that my first idea and plan was the right one. LET ME TELL YOU, once I started my papers, everything started going my way. I was at so much peace and the thought to stop the process NEVER crossed my mind. I knew this new decision was right because every time I thought I had decided not to go, I still had questions and curiosities fill my mind; but after I gave in and began the process, I no longer thought about the decision anymore. I surprised my parents and family by telling them my papers were complete, over Thanksgiving break. I blinked, and now I’m here…leaving in 30 days! Holy Cow.
I learned a lot from all of what I shared with you. Heavenly Father knows me and you better than anyone else, including ourselves. He has a plan for us and when things don’t go as planned, we HAVE to trust that He knows what He is doing. He puts people and events in our life to direct us in the way he wants our lives to go. It is all in the best interest of US! I know I was supposed to attend BYU my freshmen year of college. I have met so many great people, made memories that I will never forget, and strengthened my testimony and love for the true gospel of Jesus Christ tremendously. I have grown and I plead with you, just like I will with my investigators, you can come back and recover from anything, no matter how far off the path you feel. I have entered into the temple and I have felt of His power and unconditional love. Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to fail. They love us and want us to return to live with them again. The trails in our lives are there to direct us, teach us, and strengthen us. Stay in the boat and hold on because I know firsthand that life is better when you do.
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